If suicide is the answer ………… what is the question?

Moderator: I am here with Beth and Father to discuss another important topic. Beth, would you like to give us an introduction to our topic?

Beth: Yes, thank you for having me. I’d like to share my experience with suicide. When I was 12 years of age, my dad died. He had been sick for eight years. In the latter year, he grew worst and seemed unbearable to my siblings and I. We all wished him to die not knowing the guilty feelings we would have to face following his death. Needless to say, we were unkind to him. Two months prior to his death, I had a dream. Not going into details, the end of the dream entailed a car accident that took all of our lives; the six of us. He died and in essence, we all died. It is a good thing when a family unites after a traumatic event. We were divided and each suffered alone. I withdrew from everyone. I plummeted into severe depression and contemplated suicide for about five months. (Paused)

Moderator: Thank you, Beth, for this. Please go on.

Beth: I remember crying myself to sleep every night. You see, I was my dad’s favorite and mom’s least favorite or so I thought. I felt alone. I felt guilty for treating him horribly. I felt responsible for his death because I wished it. So the conclusion, in my young mind, is that my life has to be given up for his life. I wanted to die and did not want to prolong the pain. All I knew was to slit my wrist. I chose the sharpest knife we had in the kitchen and placed it under my pillow. I was waiting for a courageous moment to do it. I had several. Then a thought would come to write a note to my mom and brothers telling them it was not their fault I committed suicide; it is just that I could not take the suffering anymore. I would cry while writing and wail that I did not want to go to hell. Thus, the fearless moment would dissipate.

Moderator: Where was Father in all of this?

Beth: He was in the voice that prompted me to write the suicide note. He intervened when one day I cried out to Him to have mercy on me. Almost instantaneously, the suicide thoughts weakened and eventually disappeared.

Moderator: Did you tell anyone what you were experiencing? Did you hint it?

Beth: I remember telling the brother closest to me in age that I wanted to die. He would tell me not to say that and dismiss what I said thinking it was nothing. Perhaps he prayed for me without my knowledge.

Moderator: You were 12 and going to school. Did any teachers, fellow students, or any of the school’s staff notice anything?

Beth: I was in 7^th grade. My teacher noticed that I withdrew from everyone. I had no friends. I was very quiet. Other students were making fun of my nose and I did nothing to stop it. I would not participate in gym activities. When asked why, I would reply that I had a headache which was true most of the time. Gym teacher would tell homeroom teacher what happened. I could see she was very concerned, but she never asked me directly. I lost a lot of weight for I was not eating. I had no appetite. I remember using a lot of foundation to cover up how pale my face appeared. But I could not fool my homeroom teacher. After the turning point, my teacher made the whole class participate in a project called, “Dear Abby.” We had to write our questions, concerns, and problems to Dear Abby. We were offered the option of signing anonymously. I remember stating something similar to, “My father and best friend died this past summer. I feel alone and miss him terribly. What can I do?” I also signed my name so my teacher would know what’s going on with me and the mystery be solved. When she read my note in front of the whole class, another student cried. He, too, was suffering. His mom died when he was seven years old while giving birth to his younger sister. The teacher advised several things which made him and I feel better. She made changes in the seating of the classroom. Slowly, I returned to being myself in class. I made several friends. The ones who made fun continued to do so. I ignored them. After a while, they found another victim.

Moderator: Wow Beth! That was some ordeal. How would you advise people if they notice someone they know who may contemplate suicide?

Beth: Never discredit any negative notion they have. If they are hinting wanting to die, they are really seeking help and do not know how to get it. Sometimes they just need a listening ear. Help them in any way you can. The least you can do is speak to the Father on their behalf.

Moderator: Is there anything else you learned from this experience? Do you consider suicide as an option now?

Beth: I’ve learned every experience has a season. Nothing stays the same forever. Things can change overnight or even in a blink of an eye. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem as I heard someone once say. I also learned the power of sincere prayer to our Father. He is always there when I needed Him the most. No, suicide is no longer an option. It occasionally comes to mind, but I do not dwell on it.

Moderator: What would you tell someone who may be contemplating suicide?

Beth: I would say that life is precious. There are no second chances. The eternal destination is hell. It is not worth it. Things can and will change. Hang in there. Talk to someone about your feelings and be truthful. Seek counseling from clergy or a trusted friend. Pray. Seek the Father. Know that you are loved unconditionally. Learn to love yourself. You are one of a kind. You have talents and gifting no one else has. Although you may not see the way out, just hang in there until help arrives. And it arrives at the perfect time.

Moderator: Thank you, Beth. Father, I’d like to ask you to share something with us.   

Father: I gave my son, Jesus Christ to die so all who would choose believing in Him would have life; and life abundantly. Death is not the end of the story. It is death to the way of life you are accustomed to. It is the passing from this life to the next. If you are sure the person who passed away is going to heaven, you have something to look forward to when it is your turn for the passing. It will hurt temporarily. But suicide is not the answer. There are always other options. With time, the pain of loss subsides. I love everyone unconditionally. I have given each of my children uniqueness and capabilities not shared by another. I have plans for each of my children if they would allow me to work in them. My plans are for your prosperity and not to harm you. My plans give hope and a future. I hurt when you are hurting. I feel your pain. Your tears are precious to me. They are counted. I restore everything that is lost if you give me the chance. I understand you completely. I know you better than anyone else. I know you better than you know yourself. I can heal you. I want to heal you. Will you let me? Will you seek me? I am waiting for you. Thank you, Moderator, for this opportunity.

Moderator: Thank you, Father, for revealing your heart.

If suicide is the answer, what is the question? Is it okay to take one's life if one feels guilty? Will it be a happy ending to suffering? Will God open up heaven to a person who commits suicide? Will committing suicide solve any problems? Or will it cause more?  No, my friends, suicide is never the answer. As we can see with this true story of Beth, there are other options.  It is always best to seek the Father, our creator. And seek Him earnestly. He will provide a way out and He never gives us more than we can handle. Until next time, God bless you abundantly.