Hi All, I apologize for not
writing for a while. I was in turmoil for a period of time. The following is a
collection of writings that were posted to my Facebook page. Enjoy
It has been said that about two
years prior to an illness, a person would have experienced a traumatic event.
Perhaps multiple rejections, abandonment, mistrust, death, lots of pressure and
stress. The list is quite long. This is true in my life. I've asked other
ladies with different illnesses. It was true for them, too. The question is how
come? Why would two people experience the same situation, one would get sick
and the other not? Environmental factors are the same. We can
blame the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat, the toxins we
apply on our skin, the currents from our mobile devices, etc ... Is that only a
diversion?
The real reason is within us. How
we handle stress and cope with disappointment is key. Do we internalize it or
reconcile it daily? Stress is everywhere. Disappointing circumstances are
everywhere. This is life. We've been forewarned.
I heard Dr Caroline Leaf say once
that negative thoughts or emotions turn the branches in the tree in our brain
black. Every thought has a branch. If there are many negative ones, the whole
tree will turn black. This affects our physical health. But the brain can heal
itself. It needs positive thoughts and emotions; many of them to counter the
damage done.
This is where faith comes in.
When I focus on God, I am not focusing on the negative. I'm opening myself to
him and his healing. The brain gets the signal, changes the branches back to
green, then sends signals to the body with healing. Faith revives the soul. The
source of faith is important. I can do so much on my own. There is an end to my
efforts. After all, I am only human.
When I was first diagnosed in April 2014, I was in a very bad
emotional shape. I asked God a lot of questions. Normally, he doesn't answer
when he knows I am not ready to listen. He calms my soul first. Then he
answers. He never answered why. But day by day, he revealed the numerous
reasons. He asked me a question that took me a long time to answer. His
question? "Do you want to live?" He also instructed me on what he
wanted me to do. Very simple things; any baby can do. Praise him, be thankful,
spend time with him. He also revealed in my spirit that my healing isn't a one
time deal. But it will be a series of small miracles. Because others will need
to hear what I experienced. Another person confirmed what I sensed in my
spirit. He is in control of the whole situation and proved it over and over
again. Glory be to him alone.
One of the first things God did for me back in April 2014 was
arrange everything according to his will. He chose the doctors, nurses,
hospital, specialists, dates, and times. Everything in that aspect went
smoothly. He made it easier for me. Yes, there was a lot of other kinds of
pain, but there was also a lot of grace. God wants to make our lives easier by
providing everything we need. And sometimes what we want. As long as we submit
to him and to his will, we are protected even when life is hard.
Biological father died due to taking a wrong medication given
to him by an Indian doctor. I was 12 years old. So I hated all doctors and
especially Indian ones. I know now that life and death are in the hands of God
alone. Even if a mistake takes place, God is able to sustain life if that was
his will. Fast forward to April 2014. The oncologist surgeon who plays a huge
role in my treatment is American born, Indian
descent. Because everything was happening so fast, I didn't have time or room
for my discrimination. So it was laid aside. At one point, I pondered the irony
of the situation and noticed that my discrimination was gone. God healed me of
something I didn't know was wrong. He made me confront this fear without
realizing that it was a fear. You see, our Heavenly Father doesn't want us to
have any issues in our hearts. He wants to look at us and see himself. With the
issues, his image is distorted. And our perspective of life is distorted. So he
won't leave us until everything is in line with his will. And his will is
perfect and pleasing to each and every one of us.
In my journey of cancer, I learned many things. It isn't the
physical pain and suffering that is the problem. It is my reactions to them. My
soul needed healing before my body did. I had a lot of fears, discriminations,
resentments, unforgiveness, and the list goes on. God wanted me whole. His will
is for me to be more like Jesus. Every time I prayed for healing without
specifying a certain condition, he was healing my soul. He healed my spirit. He
removes the negative emotions and thoughts and
replaces them with his love, joy and peace. The detrimental aspects of unspoken
emotions and thoughts is that they are revealed by our actions. I used to think
that God didn't love me due to my circumstances. I didn't share that with
anyone, but my behavior and cynicism revealed this attitude. I wasn't just
poisoning myself, I was poisoning those around me. God had to interfere. It
seems that our priorities are completely opposed to his. I wanted healing from
cancer. He wants to heal my spirit and soul and of those around me. He gives me
what I need before what I want. God is love. He has been revealing that to me
in many different ways especially through his bride, his church, his body of
believers. Thank you, Lord.
"It is a matter of
perspective," has become my favorite phrase.
All of us make daily choices. We
choose what to wear, what to eat, where to go, what to do. Did you ever stop to
listen to your thoughts and emotions? If you haven't, I encourage you to do
that. If you have, don't they come at you like a bull? This was an interesting
journey for me. My past was speaking. My present was speaking. All the voices
in my head were talking. My emotions were in constant turmoil as a result. When I couldn't take it anymore, I screamed,
"Stop!" And guess what happened? Everything froze. My words had
power. As it turns out, they have more power than I gave them credit for. And
your words have power, too. How will you use them?
God led me to start analyzing my thoughts; source, effects, and outcome. That was an eye opener! Some
thoughts were traced back to childhood. Some to yesterday. There was a lot of
trash that I needed to dump. With the guidance and assistance of the Holy
Spirit, many were dumped. The same process took place for the emotions. Don't
get me wrong, I still have a long way to go. One thing that made a huge
difference is learning that when I dwell on a thought, I am actually opening
myself to the source. I am vulnerable to the source. There are basically three
sources for any thought and emotion: God, satan, self. If I think about food, I
am opening myself to the desires of the body and will probably become hungry.
If I think about hate, I am opening myself to satan and will feel hateful and
sad. If a hateful thought pops in my head, I can reject it. I choose to reject
it. If I think about love, joy, peace, patience; I am opening myself to God and
feel happy, peaceful, loved depending upon the thought. I have the free will to
choose the thoughts. That was a great motivator for me.
Never underestimate the power of
prayer; yours and everyone else's; no matter how eloquent or simple. It is
recorded in the heavenly books. Every tear, every heartfelt plea, every groan
is recorded and will be answered in his time which is usually the perfect time.
Three times I had certain pains
in my stomach. Two different times, it was in the same spot. It wouldn't go
away. Two different people prayed and it immediately went away. I have a prayer
partner who has been by my side since day 1 of this
ordeal. I won't mention her name just in case she'd feel uncomfortable. She
knows who she is. That is her ministry and perhaps her hobby. Her prayers and
friendship contributed in who I am today. I am much obliged to her. And I thank
God daily for her. As I do for everyone who prays. One time, I had bad stomach
aches that breathing was difficult. It was on a day she called. She prayed for
me. During the prayer, the pain immediately left. Thank God that he is above
every pain no matter how big or small. Then again, he is the one who created
this body of others. He is the master engineer. So why wouldn't he be able to
fix it?
At a certain time, I sensed in my
spirit that God was telling me to focus on him. I didn't know how. Attempting
to envision him, I'd fall asleep. This happened many times. But I continued to
practice. One time, I had stomach pains while practicing. My hand was on my
stomach. After a little while, I realized the pain was gone.
Few
months later, I read an article that stated science have discovered that when a
person is in pain and focuses on a positive thing, the brain sends healing to
the area of pain. So we can heal ourselves or cause detriment to ourselves by
what we focus on. God created us wonderfully. He gave us keys in ourselves.
Glory and honor to him alone.
I need to be open to God to receive what he has in mind for
me. I need to let go of pain, pride, success, failures, people, and everything
I am holding tightly in my heart if I want to see God's best in my life. He
cannot give me life when I am holding on to death. He cannot give me love when
I am holding on to hate. He cannot give me forgiveness when I hold on to
bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. He cannot give me healing when I am
holding on to illness. He wants to work in a clean, purified vessel. Not
cleaned by my own effort, but by his blood that was shed more than 2000 years
ago.
I was reminded of the following experience. I lived in Egypt
9 years before migrating to the United States with family. Going to school back
then was a challenge. It was hard getting there on time. My brother who is
three years older had the responsibility of dropping me off at school for a
time. We'd both be late. He convinced me to go to a Catholic Church on the way
to light a candle and say a little prayer. Nothing major happened. Time did not
stand still. I was early and he made it on time. Now how did that happen? I was
baffled. I became addicted to doing that daily. Another time we were rushed and
I suggested we stop by the church. It happened again and again. God rewards
everyone who puts him first; even the smallest action and faith.
At one point in time, I had negative feelings. Reason? Prayed
healing for two people and they both went home to be with the Lord. I felt failure,
sadness, and disappointment. Shouldn't people be healed when we pray? There
were more than two people agreeing and we prayed in the name of Jesus! That
should be enough. No, it isn't. There is something called the will of God.
There is this other thing called purpose. If a person finishes his or her work
on this earth, it is time to go home. What about
the ones left behind? God is more than able to supply all of their needs. If no
other human being does, he will personally do it. He is the father to the
orphan. I can testify to that! He is a counselor, a comforter, a teacher, a
provider, a savior, a healer, a father. Another thing most of us forget is:
this world is temporal. All of us will leave here to live in eternity one of
these days. Will I be ready? Will you?
Jesus Christ left his glory to
wear a garment of dust. He walked around like any one of us. He felt the
limitations and challenges of the human body. He suffered the day to day
living. But he had a purpose. He didn't come to spend a few days and go back home.
He came to die. He came to suffer. He came to be humiliated. He came to be pierced, afflicted, wounded, bruised,
chastised, stricken. He bore our griefs, carried our sorrows. He was wounded
for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, chastised for our peace,
striped for our healing. Yet, he did not complain. Because he loves us. Because
he had to fulfill the law. Isn't that a lavish love that cost him everything?
Nothing done in the name of love will ever go to waste. Every knee will bow in
heaven, on earth, and under the earth at the name of Jesus Christ. ~
Philippians 2:10 changes mine. The rest was mostly from Isaiah chapter
53.
For everyone who is praying or been praying or prayed for any
reason, never give up! I know that God listens to every prayer and answers at
the most perfect time. I also know that he always rewards actions motivated by love. He always rewards the ones who pray. So keep praying for everyone and
everything in your life. Never give up. Never lose hope. Because you may be
praying for something that has a foundation as strong as a mountain. One prayer
may not be enough. It takes a lot of hammering to get rid of that foundation.
It will be done according to his will. If you have a promise or word from God,
hang on to that and remind him continuously of it. You won't regret it.
