Monday, July 24, 2017

On giving thanks

There are many, many verses in the Bible about thanksgiving and how we are to offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving. We ought to be thankful in everything. Some are listed below.

Offer to God thanksgiving, And pay your vows to the Most High. Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me. Whoever offers praise glorifies Me; And to him who orders his conduct aright I will show the salvation of God. ~ ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭50:14-15, 23‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God ~ ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

But I will sacrifice to You With the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay what I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD. ~ ‭‭Jonah‬ ‭2:9‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Remember the saying, "if given lemons, make lemonade"? That is exactly what Thanksgiving does. My task was to be grateful for cancer and chemo. Thanksgiving involves giving thanks to someone else. I chose to give thanks to God / Jesus Christ. Questions arose as to why give him thanks for something he didn't cause to happen? If anything, I am responsible for everything that happens to me directly or indirectly. So why should he be responsible? I am reminded of the book of Job in the Old Testament. God and Satan were discussing Job. God wanted to promote him. Satan wanted to destroy him. God wants to promote everyone as long as we cling to him. Satan wants to destroy everyone who loves God. I concluded that God allowed it for specific reasons. And he does work everything together for good for those who love him. ~ Romans 8:28. I tested myself to see if I love God. Then I submitted to him and thank him daily for cancer and chemo. The transformation began to happen. My attitude changed. I noticed my days are more peaceful because I was peaceful. I complained less. I can see a different perspective on things. Perhaps cancer and chemo are a nightmare, but I've grown and matured on the inside. Things that used to aggravate me do so no longer. There is more to life than eating, drinking, and money. There is joy, peace, and love. There are friendships and relationships that are priceless. There is contentment.

Perhaps life handed you lemons. What will you do with them? Curl up and die or make lemonade? I chose lemonade. It tastes better. Here is a challenge for you if you choose to accept it. Find the worst situation or the person(s) to deal with and thank God for them daily. Do this for about a month or two and see if there are any changes. Notate the changes and share the results if you wish.God bless you.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Facebook Posts

 Hi All, I apologize for not writing for a while. I was in turmoil for a period of time. The following is a collection of writings that were posted to my Facebook page. Enjoy

It has been said that about two years prior to an illness, a person would have experienced a traumatic event. Perhaps multiple rejections, abandonment, mistrust, death, lots of pressure and stress. The list is quite long. This is true in my life. I've asked other ladies with different illnesses. It was true for them, too. The question is how come? Why would two people experience the same situation, one would get sick and the other not? Environmental factors are the same. We can blame the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat, the toxins we apply on our skin, the currents from our mobile devices, etc ... Is that only a diversion?
The real reason is within us. How we handle stress and cope with disappointment is key. Do we internalize it or reconcile it daily? Stress is everywhere. Disappointing circumstances are everywhere. This is life. We've been forewarned.
I heard Dr Caroline Leaf say once that negative thoughts or emotions turn the branches in the tree in our brain black. Every thought has a branch. If there are many negative ones, the whole tree will turn black. This affects our physical health. But the brain can heal itself. It needs positive thoughts and emotions; many of them to counter the damage done.
This is where faith comes in. When I focus on God, I am not focusing on the negative. I'm opening myself to him and his healing. The brain gets the signal, changes the branches back to green, then sends signals to the body with healing. Faith revives the soul. The source of faith is important. I can do so much on my own. There is an end to my efforts. After all, I am only human.

When I was first diagnosed in April 2014, I was in a very bad emotional shape. I asked God a lot of questions. Normally, he doesn't answer when he knows I am not ready to listen. He calms my soul first. Then he answers. He never answered why. But day by day, he revealed the numerous reasons. He asked me a question that took me a long time to answer. His question? "Do you want to live?" He also instructed me on what he wanted me to do. Very simple things; any baby can do. Praise him, be thankful, spend time with him. He also revealed in my spirit that my healing isn't a one time deal. But it will be a series of small miracles. Because others will need to hear what I experienced. Another person confirmed what I sensed in my spirit. He is in control of the whole situation and proved it over and over again. Glory be to him alone.

One of the first things God did for me back in April 2014 was arrange everything according to his will. He chose the doctors, nurses, hospital, specialists, dates, and times. Everything in that aspect went smoothly. He made it easier for me. Yes, there was a lot of other kinds of pain, but there was also a lot of grace. God wants to make our lives easier by providing everything we need. And sometimes what we want. As long as we submit to him and to his will, we are protected even when life is hard.

Biological father died due to taking a wrong medication given to him by an Indian doctor. I was 12 years old. So I hated all doctors and especially Indian ones. I know now that life and death are in the hands of God alone. Even if a mistake takes place, God is able to sustain life if that was his will. Fast forward to April 2014. The oncologist surgeon who plays a huge role in my treatment is American born, Indian descent. Because everything was happening so fast, I didn't have time or room for my discrimination. So it was laid aside. At one point, I pondered the irony of the situation and noticed that my discrimination was gone. God healed me of something I didn't know was wrong. He made me confront this fear without realizing that it was a fear. You see, our Heavenly Father doesn't want us to have any issues in our hearts. He wants to look at us and see himself. With the issues, his image is distorted. And our perspective of life is distorted. So he won't leave us until everything is in line with his will. And his will is perfect and pleasing to each and every one of us.

In my journey of cancer, I learned many things. It isn't the physical pain and suffering that is the problem. It is my reactions to them. My soul needed healing before my body did. I had a lot of fears, discriminations, resentments, unforgiveness, and the list goes on. God wanted me whole. His will is for me to be more like Jesus. Every time I prayed for healing without specifying a certain condition, he was healing my soul. He healed my spirit. He removes the negative emotions and thoughts and replaces them with his love, joy and peace. The detrimental aspects of unspoken emotions and thoughts is that they are revealed by our actions. I used to think that God didn't love me due to my circumstances. I didn't share that with anyone, but my behavior and cynicism revealed this attitude. I wasn't just poisoning myself, I was poisoning those around me. God had to interfere. It seems that our priorities are completely opposed to his. I wanted healing from cancer. He wants to heal my spirit and soul and of those around me. He gives me what I need before what I want. God is love. He has been revealing that to me in many different ways especially through his bride, his church, his body of believers. Thank you, Lord.

"It is a matter of perspective," has become my favorite phrase.
All of us make daily choices. We choose what to wear, what to eat, where to go, what to do. Did you ever stop to listen to your thoughts and emotions? If you haven't, I encourage you to do that. If you have, don't they come at you like a bull? This was an interesting journey for me. My past was speaking. My present was speaking. All the voices in my head were talking. My emotions were in constant turmoil as a result. When I couldn't take it anymore, I screamed, "Stop!" And guess what happened? Everything froze. My words had power. As it turns out, they have more power than I gave them credit for. And your words have power, too. How will you use them?

God led me to start analyzing my thoughts; source, effects, and outcome. That was an eye opener! Some thoughts were traced back to childhood. Some to yesterday. There was a lot of trash that I needed to dump. With the guidance and assistance of the Holy Spirit, many were dumped. The same process took place for the emotions. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go. One thing that made a huge difference is learning that when I dwell on a thought, I am actually opening myself to the source. I am vulnerable to the source. There are basically three sources for any thought and emotion: God, satan, self. If I think about food, I am opening myself to the desires of the body and will probably become hungry. If I think about hate, I am opening myself to satan and will feel hateful and sad. If a hateful thought pops in my head, I can reject it. I choose to reject it. If I think about love, joy, peace, patience; I am opening myself to God and feel happy, peaceful, loved depending upon the thought. I have the free will to choose the thoughts. That was a great motivator for me.

Never underestimate the power of prayer; yours and everyone else's; no matter how eloquent or simple. It is recorded in the heavenly books. Every tear, every heartfelt plea, every groan is recorded and will be answered in his time which is usually the perfect time.
Three times I had certain pains in my stomach. Two different times, it was in the same spot. It wouldn't go away. Two different people prayed and it immediately went away. I have a prayer partner who has been by my side since day 1 of this ordeal. I won't mention her name just in case she'd feel uncomfortable. She knows who she is. That is her ministry and perhaps her hobby. Her prayers and friendship contributed in who I am today. I am much obliged to her. And I thank God daily for her. As I do for everyone who prays. One time, I had bad stomach aches that breathing was difficult. It was on a day she called. She prayed for me. During the prayer, the pain immediately left. Thank God that he is above every pain no matter how big or small. Then again, he is the one who created this body of others. He is the master engineer. So why wouldn't he be able to fix it?

At a certain time, I sensed in my spirit that God was telling me to focus on him. I didn't know how. Attempting to envision him, I'd fall asleep. This happened many times. But I continued to practice. One time, I had stomach pains while practicing. My hand was on my stomach. After a little while, I realized the pain was gone.
Few months later, I read an article that stated science have discovered that when a person is in pain and focuses on a positive thing, the brain sends healing to the area of pain. So we can heal ourselves or cause detriment to ourselves by what we focus on. God created us wonderfully. He gave us keys in ourselves. Glory and honor to him alone.

I need to be open to God to receive what he has in mind for me. I need to let go of pain, pride, success, failures, people, and everything I am holding tightly in my heart if I want to see God's best in my life. He cannot give me life when I am holding on to death. He cannot give me love when I am holding on to hate. He cannot give me forgiveness when I hold on to bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. He cannot give me healing when I am holding on to illness. He wants to work in a clean, purified vessel. Not cleaned by my own effort, but by his blood that was shed more than 2000 years ago.

I was reminded of the following experience. I lived in Egypt 9 years before migrating to the United States with family. Going to school back then was a challenge. It was hard getting there on time. My brother who is three years older had the responsibility of dropping me off at school for a time. We'd both be late. He convinced me to go to a Catholic Church on the way to light a candle and say a little prayer. Nothing major happened. Time did not stand still. I was early and he made it on time. Now how did that happen? I was baffled. I became addicted to doing that daily. Another time we were rushed and I suggested we stop by the church. It happened again and again. God rewards everyone who puts him first; even the smallest action and faith.

At one point in time, I had negative feelings. Reason? Prayed healing for two people and they both went home to be with the Lord. I felt failure, sadness, and disappointment. Shouldn't people be healed when we pray? There were more than two people agreeing and we prayed in the name of Jesus! That should be enough. No, it isn't. There is something called the will of God. There is this other thing called purpose. If a person finishes his or her work on this earth, it is time to go home. What about the ones left behind? God is more than able to supply all of their needs. If no other human being does, he will personally do it. He is the father to the orphan. I can testify to that! He is a counselor, a comforter, a teacher, a provider, a savior, a healer, a father. Another thing most of us forget is: this world is temporal. All of us will leave here to live in eternity one of these days. Will I be ready? Will you?

Jesus Christ left his glory to wear a garment of dust. He walked around like any one of us. He felt the limitations and challenges of the human body. He suffered the day to day living. But he had a purpose. He didn't come to spend a few days and go back home. He came to die. He came to suffer. He came to be humiliated. He came to be pierced, afflicted, wounded, bruised, chastised, stricken. He bore our griefs, carried our sorrows. He was wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, chastised for our peace, striped for our healing. Yet, he did not complain. Because he loves us. Because he had to fulfill the law. Isn't that a lavish love that cost him everything? Nothing done in the name of love will ever go to waste. Every knee will bow in heaven, on earth, and under the earth at the name of Jesus Christ. ~ Philippians 2:10 changes mine. The rest was mostly from Isaiah chapter 53.

For everyone who is praying or been praying or prayed for any reason, never give up! I know that God listens to every prayer and answers at the most perfect time. I also know that he always rewards actions motivated by love. He always rewards the ones who pray. So keep praying for everyone and everything in your life. Never give up. Never lose hope. Because you may be praying for something that has a foundation as strong as a mountain. One prayer may not be enough. It takes a lot of hammering to get rid of that foundation. It will be done according to his will. If you have a promise or word from God, hang on to that and remind him continuously of it. You won't regret it.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

A song

I do not see you. I do not sense your presence. Yet I know you are always with me. You never leave me. You promised. I left you. I am sorry for leaving you. I do not want to leave you. Sometimes my pain carries me away.  I remember when you carried me, when I always felt your presence, when I felt you were pleased with me, when you took me in your arms. What happened? How come I don't have that anymore? How come you seem distant? How come you hide yourself? What went wrong?

For the past several weeks, my frustrations, confusions, doubts, and fears reached a new crescendo. The sound has become detrimental and explosive; cacophonous.  Yet, I didn't know how to word these. This song worded my frustrations and doubts beautifully. I heard the song before, but it never clicked until several days ago. It doesn't really answer all of my questions. It didn't answer any of my questions. But it delivered the message that I am not alone in asking these questions and in having the frustrations that I have. It also meant that the answers are coming. The Bible tells us to ask and receive. If we don't ask, we won't receive. You'd have to know what you are asking. So once the questions are worded, I can ask them. I know he will answer because he always answered my questions. Not necessarily immediately. He answers them in his due time and his timing is perfect. And in that, I found peace.

Without further ado, here is the song. It is in Egyptian Arabic, translated to American English. My translation skills are horrid and I had to look up a lot of these words. I hope the meaning is intact. If you speak Arabic and have a better translation, kindly let me know. Thanks and enjoy.

        1)  You know my troubles and reveal all of my secrets.
      Why not reverse my confusion? And arrange all my thoughts?
      I don’t ask for much; simple is my request.
      I only want an explanation. Is that from you, my Lord?
2)  My doubt isn’t in you. But it is in me.
      Do I understand your word? Or is my hopelessness deceiving me?
      I stopped up my ears to you. I no longer hear you.
      Is the ambiguity from you? And that because of your wisdom?
3)  My Lord, give me the victory in my battle because Satan awaits me…
      … to digress from your path. And he’ll become the victor.
      You know my capability … and until when I can endure.
      Don’t prolong my foreignness … and don’t allow me to stray. 

Thursday, November 10, 2016


Maybe this is a silly post. Sometimes we need to be silly to alleviate stress. We all know how life is very stressful with all of its valleys and mountains. Any who, here goes.

I caught the minimalist virus or maybe just the organization bug. I want to minimize materialistic belongings. Or at least, organize them. I have three dressers that I have used for years. Yes, I have a lot of clothes and a small closet. And no, don't judge me. With usage, one of the drawers in one of them is broken. I have attempted to fix it. My idea of fixing is duct tape. If that doesn't work, attempt a nail and hammer. Well, it needed a nail and hammer. It is all intact. But, one or two nails are hanging out on the side. So every time I open and close the drawer, I am damaging the inner side of the dresser. I have to maneuver the drawer in such a way as to not damage the dresser. In the meantime, I reduced the amount of clothes I have. In actuality, I am just using one dresser. Yes, the one with the broken drawer. The other two managed to contain storage items. The whole plan was to get rid of two dressers and just keep one. You guessed it, I was thinking of keeping the one with the damaged drawer. I didn't have the heart to get rid of any of them. Maybe I am being sentimental, but these dressers bring back memories. Albeit some were bad. The bad or negative usually causes us to appreciate the good. Each dresser has features unlike the other two. Each one is special to me. Each one has a unique character, even the damaged one. Because it was damaged, I took extra special care in handling it. Then it hit me.

All of us are created in God's image. He sees himself in each one of us. He wouldn't abandon us for any reason especially if we are damaged.  He takes extra special care with the damaged, broken, sickly, needy ones. He loves us all unconditionally. As someone once said, "There is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less than he already does." His love is constant as he is constant. He never changes. We change. We don't fully understand him because we are limited by our humanity. If we want to know him or understand him better, all we have to do is ask him.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19 NIV

Tuesday, August 2, 2016


I was privileged to hold a cute baby of four months on a Sunday at church. Her name is Glory. She is as unique as her name. She was sleeping at the time. Every time the preacher raised his voice, she jolted in her sleep. She did that a couple of times. Her mother was sitting next to me and noticed the jolts as well. I sensed that if I brought her closer to me, she may stop. And she did. It took me some time to figure out why she stopped reacting to the higher pitch. She felt my skin and heartbeat. She felt safe. There is no need to feel fear when one is safe.

Reminds me of when children run to their parents on a stormy night. They need to feel safe. They want to feel safe. Life can be a very scary place and adults lost their sense of security. Where does one go when they are too old to climb into their parent's lap? When they have little ones who need them for security?

I am reminded of a post I did several years ago about the kitten who taught me a lot. She clutched my shirt as I was carrying her. Yes, cats experience fear.

Or have you seen those videos online where the dog resists taking a bath or going to the vet? Dogs experience fear as well.

Why is it little children talk to strangers more easily than adults? Parents have to constantly remind them to not speak to strangers. What is it about little children that Jesus Christ said that unless we become like little children, we cannot enter heaven? They trust easily. They believe easily. They love easily. They are new at everything. They experience everything with enthusiasm. They are color blind. They are religion blind. They are carefree. They experience the now only. They do not think about yesterday. They do not worry about tomorrow. They have no regrets. They are not jaded or bitter. Everyday is an adventure. They live each day with zest. They are innocent.

Where have we gone wrong? Let us settle our accounts before it is too late. Let us settle in the arms of our Heavenly Father just as Glory settled in my arms. How? Talk with him. He will take it from there.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Journey Lessons

This is new to me. I started typing my dated journey lessons in January. Some of these may seem repetitive, yet important. Perhaps they can be a blessing to someone.

Jan 13, 2016 – 1) God has been teaching me this lesson for a while now. I am to question what spirit /attitude I am of. Then I am to question if I want to be known or associated with the source of this spirit / attitude. For example: selfishness, greed, egoistical, egotistical, prideful, resentful, unforgiving, lying, bitterness, hatred are some of the negative attitudes. These are of the devil. Do I want to be associated with the devil? If the answer is no; then I, as a child of God, have the authority to refute these. Compassion, love, hope, faith, patience, forgiveness, joy, peace, and perseverance are some of the positive attitudes. These are of God. Do I want to be associated with God? If yes, then I accept them and think on these. It is like renewing of the mind. It is like exercise of the mind. It takes discipline, endurance, and commitment. There will be failures, but the end result is what really matters. I believe Paul the apostle illustrated the simile. 2) It is quite a phenomenon how one releases all cares / holds in life when one is fighting for his / her life. Nothing else seems to matter. Money, houses, jobs, clothes, jewelry, even appearances are some of the things that lose value in the face of an illness. The question of purpose arises. It may propel one to fight for life or give up entirely.

Jan 14 - there is a link between thoughts (even passive ones), words, and life. If I get a passive thought and do not refute it actively, then it happens. If I say anything negative, it will take place. Same is true with positive words for words have power. Our thoughts and our words are alive. I have to be conscious of every thought and word all the time. Take every thought captive … Paul the apostle stated this.

Jan 15 - Jesus Christ is very profound, yet he requires simplicity. Since we are complicated beings, we tend to complicate matters. But that is not what God wants. He wants us to always go back to simplicity. It is like being childlike. The core of this simplicity is love. God is love. Everything else should be built on that.

Jan 16 - just believe is a lot harder than it looks. For everything that God asks of you, it will be tested. For everything you claim for yourself will be tested.

Jan 17 - you are what you believe; positive or negative.

Jan 18 - procrastination does not pay in the long run. Because you never know what life has in store for the following day. Better to get things done right away before it is too late.

Jan 19 - sometimes things must get worse before they get better. Sometimes an awful thing happens to shelter us from another terrible thing. The tougher the battle gets, know that relief is very close behind.

Jan 24 - life has a way of bringing back unresolved issues to the forefront. These must be dealt with before a person can move on. They can be swept under a rug. But guess what? They will be back at an importune time.

Jan 28 - declaring something will bring about change. This change may take a bit of time depending upon how long it would take for the root of the problem to be solved.

Jan 31 - if the Lord tells you to do something, he will provide. He will make life easier for you. Never doubt. Just believe.

Feb 01 - when a certain train of thought keeps haunting me, I find the opposite of this in the Bible or a promise that I can apply to myself. I would then declare it out loud until it becomes a reality for me. At first it sounds superficial, but with time it will sink in and raise my faith; because faith increases / comes through the word of God / Bible verses. One well known verse is no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Feb 02 - God wants me just as I am. My best is never good enough. He wants me. He is able to make all things beautiful in me.

Feb 03 - journaling helps with de -stressing. Praising God helps with de- stressing. Reading the Bible helps as well. Praying, meditating, and walking. There are many.

Feb 04 - in life, you will make mistakes. You are only human. Learn from them.

Feb 05 - focus on Jesus. Not easy, takes discipline.

Feb 09 - focusing on Jesus changes everything, the entire course.

Feb 10 - stay focused on Jesus. Routine kills the spark in a relationship.

Feb 12 - sometimes in life, you have to take a risk; preferably a calculated risk.

Feb 14 - I want to live each day as if it were the last. Different perspective? A risk?

Feb 20 - healing accompanies the presence of the Lord; even if no one prays for healing.

Feb 21 - fear should be eliminated in one's life. God will make sure that one faces his or her own fears.

Feb 25 - fear is an enemy. Once a fear is recognized, take steps to eliminate it. Pray and ask for God's peace. Do it afraid as Joyce Meyer would say.

Mar 02 - instead of succumbing to the emotions and the hurts, pray asking for healing.

Mar 10 - just because things didn't work out according to your plans or on your timetable, doesn't mean everything is lost or it is too late. God can and will restore everything according to his plans. No need to blame self or others. He got it. Just forgive. Just believe.

Mar 18 - being with someone who is angry, makes one angry. Being with a fearful person makes one afraid. Learn to clean oneself in God's presence. It is quite easy. Just a simple prayer.

Mar 20 - when God chooses, it doesn't matter who approves or disapproves. He made his choice and he knows who we really are. No need to worry about consequences or feelings of inadequacies.

Mar 26 - always be grateful to God for everything especially Jesus' redemption and resurrection.

Apr 09 - God deals with me according to my personality. He knows I like being independent. He also knows that I like to know the why, how, when, and everything else. So he allows me to do things the hard way. He gives me the freedom, knowledge to search things for myself. That way, I can help others needing my expertise. This will make it easier for them. And I usually stand in awe of it all.

Apr 10 - there will be times when God is silent. Those can be unnerving. Learn to wait for him and his voice. He does speak when asked to.

Apr 16 - I heard this a while ago and it makes sense. We open our spirit to God when we think of him, imagine him, envision him. Some of my best healings were done when I focused on him.

Apr 17 – 1) because Jesus Christ gave us his all, he allows us to pursue him. When we are ready to give him our all, he will be found by us. 2) We have to arrive at a point as born again Christians that no matter what happens, to God be all the glory. Whether he heals or not, whether he resurrects or not, whether he fills a need or not, he deserves all of the glory. He doesn't make mistakes. He knows what he is doing. He is good, all of the time. He loves us unconditionally.